The Worrysome World of Sexting (A Throwback)
The following was an assignment for my first magazine writing class back in 2010. I'm posting it here six years later for the benefit of the sources featured, who are now all grown up. The piece raises many questions for me all these years later, about slut-shaming, gender double standards and the like. This was our world back then...
In the first photo message, she wore jeans and an Aeropostale T-shirt. In the second message, she wore a bra and underwear. At this point, Travis, 18, worried what might come next – after all, she was only 15. He sent a text message back, “Why are you doing this?” She sent him a nude shot. Then he replied with his own nude photo.
“I never talked to her again. I never thought about it until two months later, when this cop came and pulled me out of school,” Travis says in hushed tones, his arms tightly bound against his chest. Young boys in bright T-shirts and matching helmets whir past him on skateboards. One chubby boy with red cheeks falls off his board, sending it zooming into Travis’ ankles. “Put on your helmet,” he screams at the boy. “I hate my job,” he says, sighing.
If the State Attorney’s office had prosecuted Travis for distributing pornography to a minor, he would now be a registered sex offender. He would have lost his job as skate park attendant because it involves children. He would have been kicked out of the home his family shares with a friend who has a 3-year-old child. Instead, officials from the State Attorney’s office asked him to write a handful of apology letters to everyone from the girl’s parents to his school principal.
“I definitely don’t sext anymore,” Travis says. “I don’t even talk to girls anymore.”
Sexting – sending and receiving racy text messages and photos through a cell phone or the Internet – has become more commonplace in recent years. About one in five teens has sent or posted nude or semi-nude photos of themselves, according to a 2008 study by CosmoGirl and The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. As sexting grows more popular, several states are easing up on offenders, passing legislation that gives young people involved in sexting lighter sentences than those reserved for sexual predators or adults involved in pornography, according to the National Council on State Legislatures.
Ian, 18, calls himself a ladies’ man. To prove it, he’ll show his nude photo collection to anyone who asks. He has 47 nude images on his iPhone, but many are of the same girls. He has dated a couple of the girls, but he picked up photos of others from friends or online forums.
“They’re like Pokémon cards,” he says. “They’re rare, got to keep them all.”
Ian says most of his female friends have sent him nude photos and most of his male friends frequently request and receive nude photos from girls their age.
The trend is picking up steam because today’s technology allows young people more channels to catch each other’s attention, says Meredith Cochie, UF professor of Mass Media and You. She says recent technology innovations have made it easier to exchange racy messages and photos.
“You can take a nude picture and send it out with one keystroke,” she says. “How easy is that?”
Some experts blame Facebook, MySpace and Twitter for sexting’s proliferation.
Michelle, a 16-year-old punk rock fan who still holds her baby blanket dear, says these pressures don’t just come from the media – they come from her male peers.
“Girls send nudes because they think guys will like them more if they do what they say,” she says.
CosmoGirl and The National Campaign found similar results in their study—21 percent of women send sexually suggestive content to attract someone they want to date or hook up with.
Lisa, 17, who rows for her high school’s crew team, agrees that girls use nude photos to attract a potential boyfriend.
“When a guy asks a girl for nudes, she thinks it’s going to help her chances with him,” she says. “But if he really liked her, he wouldn’t ask for that – he’d respect her enough.”
Many girls don’t realize the negative image created by sending nude photos. Ian says girls who send him nude photos just want attention.
“Every girl loves attention,” he says, “even if it is bad.”
Travis says only insecure girls send nude photos.
“They send nudes to someone and they’re going to know they’re wanted,” he says. “It’s a way they can feel like their body’s wanted.”
Although Ian says he receives nude photos from respectable girls, Travis says he doesn’t consider girls as potential girlfriends after receiving their nude photos.
“I wonder how many times she’s done with this other guys, how many guys have seen this same photo,” Travis says.
Negative attention comes from female peers as well. Michelle doesn’t think much of girls who send nude photos, even if they’re her friends.
“After I see a girl’s nudes I instantly think they’re a slut – how stupid could they be? Boys probably think that too,” she says.
Lisa says girls who sext are nasty but doesn’t think negatively of the boys on the receiving end. She says girls should know what they’re getting into and not blame the boys who asked for the photos.
Of course, if every young person shared this view, this practice would not exist.
Haley, 18, a soft-spoken redhead who works at the skate park with Travis, says she practices safe sexting. She sent nude photos to a childhood friend for months, but the two have since lost touch.
“I know a lot of people would call me a stupid girl looking for attention,” she said, “but I don’t regret what I did. I trust him incredibly.”
Haley was nervous about sending the pictures at first, but her friend reassured her he’d never share or post them. She complied after he sent his own nude shot. Even after she decided to send the pictures, she took extreme measures to make sure they would remain private.
“I was very paranoid about my mom and dad finding out,” she said. “I’d only take the pictures after they went to bed and used a specific memory card that I’d hide in a dictionary in my room.”
Haley said her friend never leaked her pictures. However she’s lucky—more and more Web sites are popping up featuring nude photo collections. Anonib.com is an online forum where users post images anonymously – most of the images, which are organized by state and area code, feature nude underage girls. This site, like many of its kind, slips under the radar because it claims to display pictures of legal-age girls.
Ian says his friends frequent the site and post pictures girls have sent them, pictures the girls thought would remain private. Ian says he has a different policy on sharing nude photos.
“I show my friends, but I don’t send them out,” he says. “You have to have something to brag about.”
Travis agrees that nude photos give guys bragging rights and admits to showing his friends any nude photos he receives.
Even though Travis is on duty at the skate park, he and Ian eagerly whip out their phones to show each other the latest nudes they’ve received. They comment on each other’s finds – “Oh, dude, I need that one,” Travis says. “How’d you get her to do that?” Ian says.
Michelle says her friends’ nude photos leak onto the Internet regularly and many reputations have been tarnished – usually, relationships end and parents call the cops on boyfriends.
“It happens all the time,” she says. “It’s wrong because only that one person was supposed to see it. But boys want to think they’re cool and they can get a girl to do whatever they want.”
Meredith Cochie says young girls don’t realize the consequences leaked nude images will have on their career searches.
“Right now they’re in school and they think it’s just a game,” she says.
She says the same technology that makes sexting simple helps employers and the media find photos, even years later. She points to Google and Facebook as key tools.
“Unless you plan on becoming a porn star, it’s not going to work well for you. Forget about becoming a leader in your company – someone will find them,” she says.
Cochie has simple advice for young women considering joining this trend.
“Don’t ever take nude photos of yourself – just don’t.”